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If I were President

Heads-up: This is a featured post from Okeke Chima, a young blooming writer who questions the status-quo in a bid to create positive impacts in society. He blogs at The Sagacious Rebel.

Photo Credit: TED

If I were President. First thing I’d do is pierce my earlobes. Crazy right? I don’t know about you but that’s perfectly normal if you ask me?

I’d also surround myself with people who would only tell me the upside of things only, I mean, who likes negativity right? That way I’d keep the negative vibes out. Like breathing exercise “in with the good, out with the bad, nothing can stop my shine”.

If I were president, I’ll take four months off immediately I’m announced winner just to bask in the feeling of being president. I mean, what’s all the rush for? Especially when I have 4 years, I mean 4 whole years to be here and can always rig my way into seat in the next elections. If I were President I wouldn’t get to the business at all, not when there are witches to be hunted and dogs to be fed. Come on, you know these dogs put everything on the line to have me on this seat, I’m simply taking care if my own.

If I were President, I’d try to learn on the job and experiment with the lives of millions since I really didn’t know the ropes before I contested. All I wanted was to be President at all costs and I had the power to make it happen. Tell me you wouldn’t take the opportunity if you were in my shoes. Oya lie now.

I’d assign everyone to positions for my amusement and not for optimal productivity. I mean, my wife belongs to my kitchen, living room and other rooms in my house, rather than behind me with her support, after all I’m a man, I’m more powerful than her, and surely don’t need her girly support. It’ll be too weak of me to be relying on her support, and I’ll seem less of a man if my wife was out there achieving anything. I mean, it’s Africa right? Where women belong to the kitchen, living room and other rooms in the house, and not even in our own bedroom.

Thought to self: I wonder what a man would be doing in his bedroom alone, I’m not married yet but I thought the bedroom is where the funny things that make babies take place? Please I need answers lest marriage is not what I think it is.

If I were President I would be a good orator and reread a speech given by another President and ask my people the lessons they learnt, hehehe, that’s a nice trick to get public relations on track, don’t you think?

If I were president I’d only employ people from my own sect even if they’re not competent, it’s better to work with your brothers and fail than work with competent people and sail, I hope you see my point here?

If I were president I’d take a 6 month tour around the world to see how the best of the best are doing it, but swear never to follow in their footsteps, I must be different, whatever be the cost.

From the write up above, it is obvious I know nothing of being a President, talk less of being a good one. But where I’m from, guess what, I’m allowed to run and chances are, I’ll win.

Welcome to a place where ignorance is applauded and mediocrity is accepted, where confusion and panic is the order of the day. Welcome to a place where thousands die and souls are left unaccounted for.

To a place where witch hunting is a presidential agenda.

Welcome to a place where world tours are not just for artists but for Presidents as well. Welcome to a place where Presidents instead of getting the best medical care the country can offer, go instead, to other countries to get better care. If the system here is bad, why not fix it? Why let millions die in it while you skip it?

It’s time to let go and let the younger generation take the lead; stop sticking the nation in a time warp which your age and sentiments won’t let you leave.

It’s time WE start afresh.

If I were president I’d have learnt the ropes even before running.

If I were president I’d get to work as soon as I’m in.

If I were president I’d employ the best heads no matter their sect.

If I were President I’d surround myself with people who’d tell me the truth even if their lives depend on it.

If I were President I’d invite the best people around the world, give them a tour of the nation and ask them how best to improve it FAST.

If I were President I’d set witches ablaze on both camps as time goes on, make an example so others can see and not waste my time on the chase.

If I were President I’d make my goals way before the polls and not experiment with the lives of millions.

If I were President, I’d play the game like it was football, best man to the best position, planned way before the match and have substitutions and adjustments made as necessity dictates.

If I were President, I’d keep peace in every household in the nation by leaning on the support of my partner and being a good example for husbands everywhere. My partner will belong to my heart and the heart of every citizen of the nation.

If I were President, I’d make my speeches from my heart and let my people see the truth.

This doesn’t qualify me either, but who really cares? For where I come from, they’d let me run anyways.

If you want to be President, be careful or that seat will burn your ass.


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